"Matter of fact, I'm sick of talkin'."
It seems like a lifetime ago that I set out on an unofficial search for America's Most Perfect Public Restroom. It's not like I went out actively combing this great country for a perfect pisser. I just became more cognizant of my surroundings when entering the WC.
What is "The Perfect Public Restroom?" Imagine a restroom where you never touch anything: Automatic urinal flusher, automatic sink, automatic soap dispenser, and automatic paper towel dispenser. For the ladies, it's a little different because of the whole squatting thing. This search also becomes moot if one has to go number 2. This is the 21st century and all, but they have yet to distribute automatic ass wipers to the general populace. The automatic paper towel dispenser is key because no one, anywhere, prefers the blower to paper towels. Even those hippies that tried to ban paper towels from my dorm in college because they hurt the environment secretly know that the paper towel is more efficient than the blower, both in its hand drying prowess and speedy results.
I have come close over the past year to finding such a palace. The one recurring hiccup seemed to lie in the automatic soap dispenser. I trudged along undeterred, but wondering if my Xanadu of bathrooms really did exist.
Until this weekend...
After a long day of snowboarding in Killington, I took a well deserved leak in the public restroom at the base lodge before I hit the bar for happy hour. Automatic urinal? Check. Automatic Soap Dispenser? Check. Automatic Sink? Chhhhhheeeeeecck. Automatic Paper Towel Dispenser..... BOOOM. Eureka. They even had an automatic hand blower for good measure. I was so astounded, so impressed and so downright giddy that I decided to share my feelings with the other gentlemen in the bathroom.
No one seemed impressed.
Then one kind sir said something that I had never thought of before that moment. It seemed so simple, so necessary, so, just out of reach..."Yeah, but what about the door?"
The Door. How could I forget about the door? If it was a push door, maybe it would work. But this door needed to be pulled in order to exit.
It's funny, but I was extremely annoyed by this glaring omission to detail that had plagued my chase from its inception.
You know what though? That's life. You work towards something, you search for something that you know is out there and it is always just out of reach. But you never give up the search, never quit trying, never quit peeing.
I've decided to shut this thing down. It's been a lot of fun, but I need to get a move on. Thank you to all my readers, contributors and people who encouraged me along the way.
There's a perfect public restroom out there for everyone.